Man Trapped in a Womans Disease.

Funny, I'd often thought how bad it would be, to be the guy who got diagnosed with breast cancer. I still do, but have another dilemma.
 I have a neurological condition labeled, Borderline Personality Disorder, which I will write BPD from now on for obvious reasons. I'm not completely sure what's "borderline" in the whole thing, all I know is that I have pissed a lot of people off because of it and wish I hadn't. As the title suggests, it's a condition which is mainly associated with women, 4:1. I had known there was something wrong for some years, putting my fiery personality down to my Italian blood, but that didn't account for my paranoia, insecurities and later suicidal thoughts. First I was prescribed anti-depressants and then anti psychotics and it was by chance my wife saw a copy of the 9 criteria for BPD diagnosis and saw me in 7-8 of them. That came as almost a relief as I thought I would now be able to get the right pill to manage the condition. Soon though, I found that schizoid was a more welcomed condition, by professionals that is. Joe public thinks it's the same as Multiple Personality. The biggest problem is the fact that there is no quick fix, no pill to make the feelings go away. On the other hand, there is no need to take medication (unless depression & suicidal thoughts are so strong, or anxiety levels are interfering with therapy and early stages of recovery). The most effective treatment is the programme of Dialectic (ancient Greek resolution through argument) or with this new western/zen spin on it "DialecticAL Behavior Therapy", DBT. Which brings us back to the initial point of sitting in a room made up of women. Although 25% of sufferers are men, men don't go to doctors, let alone those kinds of doctors and want to "talk" about their problems. And that’s before they turn up and find it's a group of overweight middle aged women with anger management issues. It isn't the fault of the ladies, it's the SSRI & psych meds that we've all been wrongly prescribed. SSRI's increase your appetite and some psych meds can lead to obesity by increasing the activity of the body’s fat cells.

If you are wondering what BPD is, the definition from the DSM-IV Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is;

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1.      Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. 

2.      A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3.      Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4.      Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving).

5.      Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

6.      Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7.      Chronic feelings of emptiness

8.      Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9.      Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms.

It is a requirement of DSM-IV that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.

I solidly fulfilled eight of the criteria and the more I learned about the condition and others afflicted by it, the more I saw myself and my faults and problems.The shutters were lifted, a real sense of weight being lifted when you finally get to the bottom of the correct diagnosis.
I was and continue to be fortunate to have my strong wife of 22 years with me. Our love is so strong that we have been able to cope with my condition when the statistics for BPD usually mean relationships are particularly vulnerable. Although far from plain sailing, number 1 on the list has been kept pretty much at bay thanks to her support, understanding and tenacity.

I will post the progress of my road to recovery. Not because I am a narcissist, (I'm not on any social networking sites either), because it will help me, I hope to put this thing to bed. I'm also loosing the weight the depression and medication has put on, especially in the last 3 years. The causes of that and progress I will cover too.

Thank you.